people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
