his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
When are your genitals available?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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