Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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