I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
