If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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