he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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