You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
