toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
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Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
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He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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