Please, let me fuck your mom
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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