I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
