Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
