That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
