i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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