he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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