He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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