I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
