She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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