i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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