Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
