No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
