She said her name was "party"
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
