His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
