I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
