i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
