You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
