East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
