this just has baby written all over it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
