I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
