Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
