my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
