Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
