I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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