He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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