Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
