I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
