I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
