Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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