Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
