I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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