literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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