I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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