My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
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Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
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We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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