Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
