We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
