I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
