i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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