Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
