she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
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Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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