i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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