Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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