True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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