Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
