he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
