my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
