Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
