Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
