We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
