she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
