I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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