i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Come share oat with me in your robe
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
