I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
