So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
