Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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