That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
