Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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