After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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