hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Still dying that you shit outside
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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