We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
