I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
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Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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