she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
