ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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